Ten Reasons I Hate Honey Bears
10. The bear didn’t ask if he could come over.
I don’t know about others, but if a bear randomly showed up at my house, offering me honey, I would duck and cover. You heard it little honey bear that thinks he’s so cute, no trying to sneak into my den.
9. Those plastic bottles are so hard it hurts my hand to squeeze them.
No joke. How many times have I squeezed those bears, only to have sore fingers, and barely a drop of honey came out? What if my hand is weak, injured, or if I just can’t squeeze hard enough? Most of the time I end up frustrated, wishing the honey bear didn’t exist.
8. Do bears even like honey?
When was the last time I saw a bear in a grocery store, shopping for honey? In my entire life, I have never seen a bear buying honey. Since I’ve never seen it happen, I think it’s fair to assume bears do not actually like honey.
So, how did this association get started? Next time you go to the grocery store, I bet you won’t see any bears purchasing honey. Case in point.
Which means, I’m pretty sure they lied to me about Winnie-the-Pooh. I want my money back for all those books…
7. Those little bottles usually get forgotten somewhere in the back of cupboard, and the honey becomes crystallized.
Usually, I dig crystalized honey, but not inside a honey bear.
How many people really finish the honey before that crap gets hard as a rock? How many times have I seen a honey bear bottle, with old, crusty, honey inside, that is now useless!
Short of using a knife to scrape the inside of the bear, or trying to find a spoon small enough to fit into those tiny openings, there is no way to get the hardened honey out. So, in the end, another honey bear, tragically ends up in the garbage.
6. Come winter, that bear is going to hibernate, and take the honey in his belly with him.
Something to notice about bears, they sleep a good part of the year. So that means, when that bear gets tired, he’s going to up and walk out of the kitchen to find a nice, cozy spot to curl up in.
And that means bye, bye honey.
5. What’s up with the honey bear’s face?
The bear stands there, staring at me, with those beady little eyes, begging me to eat the honey. But it’s a trick! Because that little bear and I know there are serious reasons why I won’t actually get to eat any of the honey. Which brings me to…
4. The bottle has too many crevices where the honey gets stuck.
Have you ever tried to scrape the honey out of those ears? What about the very bottom where the bear has its little feet? Have you succeeded? Really, I mean really. (See #7)
This is a honey bear outrage!
3. The bear is made of plastic
Who wants their precious, delicious, honey in plastic? Yum, plastic. Now my honey is plastic-y, honey. After all that hard work those bees did, it ruins the whole thing.
2. They look so innocuous, but what they really are is a ticking time bomb.
Standing on the table, they look oh, so adorable, until someone comes along, and squeezes the bottle. One try, two tries, the person’s brows wrinkles with frustration, then comes the third try! And the person gets angry because barely a drip of honey comes out.
See, ticking time bomb. Want to piss someone off? Give them a honey bear for a present.
1. What it all boils down to is, you cannot actually get all the honey out of a honey bear!
Have you tried, I mean, really tried. Without the use of a microwave or hot water poured into the PLASTIC bottle? See, this thing is for real!
It’s very difficult to use every morsel of honey. I don’t like to put plastic in a microwave, because plastic flavored honey, not my idea of a good time. And if I pour hot water in there, then I’ll end up drinking the plastic. Like I said, yummy.
Either way, a good part of the honey is going to stay in that cute but useless bottle.
The only thing the words, “honey bear”, are good for, is when someone says, “Hey, honey bear,” like a term of endearment. Otherwise, don’t mention them.
Thanks a lot, honey bears!